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I’m going to start tweeting some of the wild weird stuff I run across on AliExpress. I’ve never touched any of these things and do not endorse them.
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A...car hookah?
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A...hot air dog dryer? aliexpress.com/item/32923219804.html
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A red-headed wig for your cat. aliexpress.com/item/32451232351.html
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A coatless rain coat. aliexpress.com/item/32893543353.html
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Toilet paper. Just $2 a roll. aliexpress.com/item/32803250245.html
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Another quarantine product. Wine bottle adaptor. aliexpress.com/item/32980445054.html?
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Perfect for socially distant outings to the park. aliexpress.com/item/4000097377859.html
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Chicken helmets. aliexpress.com/item/4000193788680.html Disclosure: I just bought four of these for the four hens we're getting this season.
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Sequined Nicholas Cage face pillow. aliexpress.com/item/33059345819.html
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Nicholas Cage face swimsuit. aliexpress.com/item/33021198721.html I wonder how many more of these Face/Off tie-ins there are on Aliexpress
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Nicholas Cage anti-face recognition hoodie. s.aliexpress.com/qAVRviiu
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Nicholas Cage action figure with cruise missile. s.aliexpress.com/JjMj2UZV
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I’m not even gonna link these. But let me tell you, hoo-boy. Aliexpress’s algorithm has now decided that I am a Nicolas Cage fan. The things I do for you people.
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A fascinating new design of toilet plunger. s.aliexpress.com/6JZb2uyu
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A five dollar slingshot with laser targeting
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I’ve never seen this design of “bow“ and arrow before.
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God damn it.
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One of my factories has an automatic shoe covering machine like this. It is, no lie, amazing. And, it can actually cover the shoes on my big American feet. s.aliexpress.com/3YJvquUR
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“Buy your masks online,” they said. s.aliexpress.com/MnArQzae
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Smart....fingernail? s.aliexpress.com/zM7FjeM7
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And yet, somehow no hits for “Nicolas Cage mask“
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Why would you want your dog to look like Boris Johnson? s.aliexpress.com/eERnyeIb
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Parallel Pizza Slicer s.aliexpress.com/VzIN3I7Z
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Straight up snake oil.
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Literal snake oil. s.aliexpress.com/Av63qeMj
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If I can adjust it to 6 feet and wear it on a hat, I’m all in.
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Perfect for a frosty mug of Red Tick Beer. youtu.be/mtqbk9pgPXw
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Dog blow dryer holder.
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Hamster leash
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Guinea Pig cosplay
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Giant plush octopus
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Very sweatshirt. Much doge.
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Perfect for trick or treating. Or a visit to the corner store.
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Putin head on your real head.
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Fall fashion, 2020
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Probably not what the CDC had in mind.
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Nitinol wire paper clip. Especially for @oskay, I think.
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R2D2 french press
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Coffee flair. Including an enamel aeropress pin
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Lace collars
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This one is for @therealfitz
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This device takes 256 easily-replaced SIM cards. It has 8 EDGE modems. You can control it over USB. It’s designed to send SMS spam.
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“Virtual Kobe Bryant”
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Water-cooled...iPhone case‽‽‽
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This iPhone parts store on Aliexpress has the best name.
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Custom milled AirPods repair jig.
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Slight cognitive dissonance.
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In case the water damage indicators in your macbook fall off.
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That’s a fascinating lightning connector.
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You know. A Mortar. For kids.
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Gatling Gun for kids
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I may need this hoodie.
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Business Wear?
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I’m not sure I’d demonstrate my coffee grinder’s ability to make…beer bottle powder‽
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Guaranteed to have dead pixels.
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White Label Botox. The perfect swag for your Web 3 startup’s next trade show.
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The street finds its own uses.
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So many questions.
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“programmer keycaps” - perfect for the emacs user in your life.
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iPhone case with “real gold” - in the form of an ENIG circuit board.